8:59 a.m. - 2007-09-02
My Deepest Sympathies
Last night was the night. The night I thought a gift would be delivered. The kind of gift that could forever change someones journey; and I was excited to do this for this person. You know....giving them what I thought would be a remote piece of me.
I wasn't planning on going at first, but I changed my mind as the day went on. I wanted to at least introduce the two of them together, get the magic going and then quietly slip out of scene as things progressed. At least that is what my minds eye envisioned.
I arrived a tad early, nervous for him and I had been all day. You see this was his big break. My friend Jim a writer for SNL amongst many other gigs in CA was in town to see his partner and had agreed to meet (my friend) to talk about possibilities. I had shared with him my friend whom I think has wild, mad talents when it comes to writing, creativity and depth. We were to meet in a western Chicago suburb of an upscale italian restaurant. And as I sat waiting nervously the very good looking host approached me asking me if I were so and so. He continued to tell me the Jim had just called, there was an emergency back at home, was flying back to LA and would call after the holiday's. When my friend did arrive I had him visit the host, to hear it from his mouth...We decided to stay for a drink and then a call came in to the host again. It was Jim and yes there was an emergency, and he was so terribly sorry but his father had died and he was flying out. To tell my friend he was so sorry.
I could see the disappointment in my friends face, almost anger. He told me not to worry about it but I apologized not knowing why. Why did I feel personally responsible for something I had no control over?
My friends response was, could this be a falicy of fate? Were we being duped or was it just wrong timing?
My friend was truly disappointed and I understood it. He had left his family, driven two hours to meet this guy, with the hopes to talk about his future, his possible new life. For some reason he now was convinced that this guy might not be who he said he was. His intuition said something wasn't right and for the first time in my life I felt stupid in front of my friend. Really stupid. Could it be that Jim wasn't who he said he was?
I disagreed over and over though he made me wonder. I knew Jim, though briefly we met at PM's and the meeting was in truth by chance. We talked for a long time, I met his partner, talked about the industry, books, authors, people. I told him about this guy I believed in. I asked him if he would look at this guy's stuff and at least talk to him. And it happened. We emailed one another, talked on the phone and basically he told me that he could make no promises but my friend did have raw potential. As he put it, reading him was like taking a hit of crack with his elements of style. I believed him to be real and honest. I believed that I was doing a good thing in introducing them. I truly did. I thought that I would be giving him a chance at a gift and his family would reap in the rewards. Truly that is where I was coming from.
But as the night went on and the conversation progressed I saw myself starting to doubt everything.
Was Jim who he said he was, and in that turn is anyone who they really say they are?
I am
I truly am
and all I wanted to do was try and help my friend; though I am done, just done.
My deepest sympathies Jim whom ever you are.
