1:15 p.m. - 2007-10-01
Memories and Stories
It has been a whirlwind with activities and visitors this weekend.
I hosted a dinner party on Saturday p.m. for Marty from Colorado and Bob and Joan from Florida to meet all of my friends. It was a huge success and I actually enjoyed myself immensely. Great food, fabulous music and it was fun to have other people discuss “me” to my friends at the party. Speaks volumes, without me ever saying a word of who I am, where I have come from and how I have survived it all. Weird in a way to hear stories or I should say memories about myself. A lot of the things I had forgotten about and I questioned did I really do or say that stuff? It made me start to wonder if all of us are just collectively a bunch of memories and stories? Is that what shapes all of us to one another? Or are these things just a part of our conversational DNA?
Maybe "yes" is the answer to these questions to some degree, but I would say that I tend to keep re-inventing myself a little bit at a time..... day in and day out. I can say that I am truly not the girl they think of in their minds eye. I have grown, matured and am totally different than those days! Yes, parts of me are what they remember.... but do they look at the woman I am have become and am becoming everyday?
Yes, I could focus and remember that once I danced on Broadway for some of the greats, that I had a teacher that made me move with all 28 grams (of my soul), that when I hear music I see movement instead of sound, that choreographing is like breathing air to me, that when I sing, people would stop what they are doing and listen... but that was then and I never talk about that to anyone - ever.
I wonder if they think all of the other things? The people I have met along the way, having the courage to pull the life support off of my father, editing children’s books, getting sick and recovering, meeting my biological mother and family, the art of marriage, feeling life inside of you, being the best mother to my daughter, going through divorce, reaching goals that were so far out of my reach but doing it, going through hardships, never judging, understanding what loneliness really means, always trying to improve myself, friendships that I have nurtured for year’s and the new ones that I have been graced with, meeting JF. These are all parts of me plus a trillion more I can’t begin to write about.
How are we measured? I am not sure. I can say that Marty, Bob and Joan all know a piece of ko but if they only opened their eyes they would see so much more. Does anyone see I am here?...can anyone really see who I really am?....does anyone really see the pain I am in?
Because I am not just a memory or a story!
I am the real deal, the golden egg, the one that can make your wildest dreams come true! Trust me....I am!
